Kris Humphries, frightened, sleepy-looking, curly bed hair still a little high on his head, appeared on Good Morning America purportedly to discuss his non-relationship with ex Kim Kardashian.  However—and surprise!—he kept silent about the split.  At every turn—and what real baller wouldn’t?—Kris Humphries, though sitting stiff as stone, was searching for the hole to shake the host’s pesky questions about his personal life.

As the clock ticked down on the interview, a loving mommy (the real—non-flashy, non-Hollywood—kind) was by his side the whole time, wilting like a flower, through her son’s awkward discomfort.  The twenty-six year old revealed that he was not sure what impact taping the reality show had on his doomed relationship with the overexposed Kardashian.  “It’s the only time I’ve been married.  I’ve been in front of the cameras, in the NBA, since I’m nineteen.”  As for the television exposure, he said, “It’s a different level [than the NBA].”  Then switching lanes on the host, the free agent added, “For me, it’s all about moving forward and being excited about the opportunity to give back through my foundation, focusing on childhood obesity, and trying to do some great things.  Life is about how you can help other people and making the most of your platform.”

When asked what it was like to watch his union with the big-butted shrew unfold (or rather unravel) on television, Kris said, “I only watch basketball game film.  I have never been one to really watch the show.”

"Doo Doo happens!"

The most difficult part of the interview to watch came when Kris was asked if he still loved Kim Kardashian.  While he evaded answering the question, his body language, like an enemy, betrayed him.  During this excruciating moment, as Kris experienced rapid rigor and tilted his head to the heavens for an escape, concerned mother Debra Humphries sweetly took her son’s hand into her own to settle him down.  Bring him back to earth.  And Kris was somehow able to clumsily, but effectively, steer the conversation back to his current focus, the foundation, basketball, and immediate family.

"Give them according to their deeds, and according to the wickedness of their endeavours: give them after the work of their hands; render to them their desert." --Psalm 28:4

Thankfully, all involved huddled at the end of the show and baked cookies!  So, whew, I think Kris is going to be all right.  Go Team Humphries!

Was I annoyed that, for the sake of his image, Kris Humphries felt the need to drag that little old white lady from the farmlands of Minnesota for sympathy points?  No.  To counter Ryan Seacrest’s attack on his reputation, it was necessary to get things back white—I mean, right.

But if Kris Humphries had consulted with me, I would have informed him that he was not black enough, unfaithful enough, or disinterested enough to hold Kim Kardashian’s twisted attention.  I would have spared him all of this melodrama, this bitter heartache and pain and, most of all, the unfair public flogging.

Do you think good guy Kris Humphries is going to rebound well from this loss?  Do you even care anymore?