Sunday, on "Watch What Happens Live" with gorgeous host Andy Cohen, funny lady Sherri Shepherd admitted, "I've been to jail. For traffic tickets. I was a Jehovah's Witness. I thought Armageddon was coming."
There is nothing more annoying than the renegade relative who shows up for a gathering unexpectedly (or early) and the rest of the family holds its breath waiting to be overcome by warm but incessant waves of shame. The worst part about this relative is that in their blind ignorance, they reckon they are perfect exactly the way they are, frontal gold tooth and all. For the Christian, the third cousin who makes us cringe is the Jehovah’s Witness.
Jehovah’s Witnesses are strange. There is no other group resembling the Christian that is stranger. They make the Amish seem normal.
Jehovah’s Witnesses believe they must literally keep separate from the world—which is impossible and a complete misunderstanding of scripture (St. John 15:19). Six million of them strong, spread over 230 or more lands like a grass stain, ignore government like the Easter Bunny. They don’t rock or hip-hop the vote. As useless as they are, they pretend to be allergic to welfare, food stamps, or the sometimes much-needed disability check—even if maimed. Though they pay taxes like the most racist redneck, the redneck will vote even if the Republican would leave them as forgotten or oppressed by poverty as “the lazy coloureds.”
Jehovah’s Witnesses “abhor” holidays. They are prohibited from enjoying them, Christmas included. However, they have a peculiar habit of magically appearing like the tooth fairy just when the festivities are powering down with an open hand not begging money, but food too warm yet to be labeled leftovers. (Mind you, it won’t matter if dinner was purchased with foodstamps.)
The hypocrisy of Jehovah’s Witnesses also forces them to reject congregating with other Christian believers. Like modern day Pharisees, they think they’re too good, more righteous. They are unwilling to join hands and pray with you if the Elders of the Church have been called to your hospital bed. But after viciously beating down your door as if it were a dirty rug, they will gladly join you at your house too early on a Saturday morning when you’re still yawning from a long week’s work. Yes, they will happily join you in your home (where your best sinning is done). As if you might be saved by their mere presence, they will sit for hours eating your sinfully fatty snacks and chatting with you of Christ (whose shed blood, you are well aware of as a Christian, has cured your sin: past, present and future).
So now that you know that JW’s will visit you in the hospital, close relative or not, pray that what’s killing you does not kill you. What a vampire is to the sun, a Jehovah’s Witness’ holier-than-thou shoes are to the church. Never the pair shall meet. Like the Cleveland Orchestra or the New York Philharmonic, for such an “elite” clique, only a hall will do. If a funeral is held at a high school, A JW might show. But Jehovah’s Witnesses don’t do churches, Christian or otherwise.
To read more about Christianity’s most embarrassing third cousin, please read Part II of “We Are All Witnesses.” Though much fun is poked at Jehovah’s Witnesses, bizarre doctrine aside, you may be surprised to find out where they may ultimately wind up.
Straight up doctrinal facts on Jehovah Witness cult.
The Jehovah’s Witnesses teach preach that Jesus had his return aka second coming October 1914,then they spin all sorts of doctrinal embellishments on that date with 1918 being their appointment by Jesus as sole heirs of this 1914 Kingdom coming.
They have infighting,crime and child abuse as bad as any church out there.
Have a deadly dogma prohibiting whole blood transfusion but use cow’s blood calling it *Hemopure*.
They teach only 144,000 go to heaven,on and on and on with made up man made dogmas……JW are a spin-off of the second adventist and have this in common with the SDA.
Jehovah’s Witnesses promotion of their Watchtower sect has the net effect of stumbling and turning people off to the real Gospel.
Jesus said: “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you travel land and sea to win one proselyte; and when he is won, you make him twice as much a son of hell as yourselves” (Matt 23:15)
They are the atheist makers!
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Danny Haszard born 3rd generation Jehovah’s Witness
*Tell the truth don’t be afraid*
Thanks Danny for the truly thoughtful reply. Sorry for the delay in replying as some personal matters cropped up! I really appreciated hearing your honesty and know for sure that you are more aware than I am of these harmful teachings. Come back soon. (I’ll have some more great posts coming very soon.
It is clear that the person who wrote this has no idea what WE as Jehovah Witness follow or why. I am not going to go into it here but if you really want to know about OUR faith then visit our site. Here you can see why holidays are pagan and why we stay away from what is bad….
I know about your religion, but I bet anything that you have no idea who Jehovah really is. Do you?
Please tell me who God is. Describe Him without using scriptures or whatever the Society says. If you are in the “true faith”, you would have non problem in describing who your god really is.
God ahead and make my day.
People who post here do not know anything about JW’s, and that’s really sad. I’m a third generation of JW’s. Do not attend, as often as, I should for heath reasons, but take the time to really educate yourself about JW’s, attend their meeting for a while, and then you can form an educated opinion about the JW’s. I’m not saying that they are perfect, but who is?
Thanks for commenting, Stilokay! The Bible states “never fail to assemble yourself with other [Christian] believers” (Hebrews). My biggest beef with JWs is that I know from personal experience that they do not. They won’t attend your church to fellowship with other Christians. They won’t even enter a church to attend your funeral. Something about JWs is just sad to me. It’s as if JWs pick and choose which parts of the Bible to apply to themselves and pretend ignorance of the rest.
Why should I be part of a cult that denies the deity of Christ, the personhood of the Holy Spirit and makes God the Father look like a mad judge who is forever judging every little thing that you do?
Why be part of a cult that is filled with condemning people that have a smile on the outside but on the inside they are full of dead men’s bones?
Why be part of a sect that are arrogant, self anointed and think they are better than anyone else because they are always trying to please a deity that could not care less if you dropped dead tomorrow?
No thanks, I know more about them than you would care to know.
Can a JW explain why they will not help a person in need of food or shelter? They believe you need “spiritual food” more. That won’t feed a starving child. And why is it not acceptable to wear regular street clothes to go knocking on doors? They say you’re supposed to be dressed in your Sunday best to represent God. If you’re clean and your clothes are, too, what’s wrong with that? God’s not looking at your clothes. My husband is a former alcoholic and drug abuser turned Jehovah’s Witness. (I am not.) I try to respect his beliefs, and don’t celebrate holidays. But, I can tell you, that because I won’t become a Witness, he puts on a show for all the Witnesses of how he’s changed, but in reality, he’s no different at home than he was as an addict. He yells, slams doors, and acts like a spoiled child whenever he’s mad. He is selfish, self-centered, and egotistical. A doctor once told me–a leopard never changes his spots. I agree. My husband is a hypocrite. I see him and others in their organization as naive. They are so willing to believe everything that is told to them in the Watchtower and Awake magazines. As a Christian, I pray for them. They are misguided souls.
Naive is too nice of a word, Lorraine. These people are DECEIVED! A pastor can stand in any pulpit and say whatever s/he wants. But (unlike JWs), most real Christians know that if the pastor’s words do not correspond with the words of the Bible, it is a LIE. By the way, your husband can change–he kicked his addictions, didn’t he? So just keep praying for him. Strangely, the same personality traits (low self-esteem, addictive behaviors, inability to control impulses, lack of self-governing skills, etc.) may be why he ventured to the JW side of Christianity in the first place. He may just be desperate for structure. God bless you!
I’ve this documentary film about Jehovah’s Witnesses being quoted as a cult: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n6l8I7Khgm8&list=UU-JBgg_36D88GL735QUZVzg
Could you please share your thoughts on this?
Hi Mona, I watched a bit of the old but still true footage about the WatchTower. In the African American community, many of the staunchest supporters of “The Hall” are old, uneducated, and/or borderline illiterate. They have a difficult time understanding the Bible on their own, so they are susceptible to the influence of those whose doctrines merely sound like the gospel. I have never understood why a so-called sect of Christianity ever needed its own literature, especially when it contradicts the Bible and the author is no prophet except in his own mind. JWs as I have said before are elitist but ignorant. Yet, I also believe that if the followers (being human beings and flawed) call on the name of Christ Jesus, they will be saved. But woe to all those leaders who would dare corrupt or change the word of God to lead his dumbest lambs astray (Rev. 22:18-19).
Really brave and well written.