Someone's knockin' at the door, somebody's ringin' the bell, do me a favor, NEVER open the door and let 'em in...
There are many of us who don’t have an opinion until someone else provides one for us. We don’t stand for anything unless Angelina Jolie does. We have an interest in the Illuminati because we believe that Jay-Z and his crew does. We will only wear bangs if Jennifer Aniston does. If we are people of the Middle East, we believe the President of the United States is a great liberator. If we follow Matt Damon, though Osama Bin Laden is no more, we may agree that our President is without “stones.” If we follow Bill Maher, we may look and find that the President is a “big pu$$y” [cat]. Beyond Twitter, mindless following is a shameful way to live.
The most successful Jehovah’s Witnesses are no different. They prefer others to think for them and, like the masses, have a strong desire to feel part of some elite few. But they are not of the elite. Au contraire, Jehovah’s Witnesses are simply special. Special, same as simple. For those unable to translate passages of Spot, Dick and Jane without help, the Bible then is merely a weight carried in the hand. Jehovah’s Witnesses are as dumb as lambs and can be led in circles for eternity, for they are born followers (who have been brainwashed to conclude that they are leading the rest of us to “The Way”).
The most successful Jehovah’s Witnesses may also be over the age of 60 (or dead). At 60, there is little chance of being excommunicated from the church—er, hall—for the sin of merrymaking and getting busy, high, or chewed—you know, all the fun stuff of youth.
In a world of duality, vanilla and chocolate, day and night, yin and yang, twins, and tulips, one of Jehovah’s Witnesses’ most glaring defects is their refusal to confess that there is a hell to go with heaven. No good God would condemn you to burn in an eternal fire, they say. I say, don’t ask Abraham. Ask Isaac. (The Witness’ affinity for delusion is well documented. Shh, behind closed doors, we Christians whisper behind our hands, rather loudly, that our third cousin may actually be a cult.)
Without a doubt, the most disturbing aspect of our third cousin’s character is this. While they deny that a loving God would fry you up in a fiery lake of hell like a pork rind, they do wholeheartedly embrace a loving God banishing you to a grave until He calls you out like Lazarus at the time of the Rapture. Seriously, our embarrassing third cousins are incapable of fathoming that your spirit is free at death to join Christ and other Christians in heaven. Instead, they believe that you are indeed that empty shell that falls to the waiting dirt.
The Bible is filled with scriptures concerning the outward man, the flesh, and the inward man, the spirit. But JW’s seem confused by Christ’s coming and His purpose to bring us salvation so that we won’t perish, but have everlasting life (St. John 3:16). They would rather imagine that Isaac, Jacob, Joseph, King David and them, who were once held up in Abraham’s bosom, are to date just remains—dust blowing around in a mountainside cave. When Jesus said to the man dying on the cross by his side, “Verily I say unto thee, today shalt thou be with me in paradise” (St. Luke, 23:43), what on earth (below or above) did He mean? Did He mean thou shalt be with me in paradise in the grave? Hardly.
Most of us are wary of the infectious nature of blood and transfusions. But if push came to shoving us over into a dark and cold hole in the ground, most of us would risk an intravenous shot of deadly disease (leukemia, Hepatitis C, or the big “C”) in a failing heartbeat. If it meant we’d see the beauty of our children’s eyes again? Personally, I’d do it for less, for just a taste of the yummy goodness of cheesecake.
Citing Leviticus 17:14, a scripture about not eating the blood of meat, for strict Jehovah’s Witnesses, no blood should be taken into the body through the mouth or veins. No livers by transplant. No gizzards. Less strict Jehovah’s Witnesses, however, who are willing to compromise, are down with the plasma. Perhaps, they realize that there is more to Leviticus 17:14, which also states that “[blood] is the life of all flesh; the blood of it is for the life thereof.”
The hypocrisy of Jehovah’s Witnesses is world-renowned. If the Amish, the most snobbish of believers, have horse-n-buggy lanes at the Cleveland Clinic, who then does that wandering procession of misinformed fruit loops think they are?
I’ll tell you who. Maybe just a group of simple Christians trying to live for God. Ironically, since they do call upon the name of Jesus Christ as their savior, these arrogant “deep thinkers” will in all likelihood still wind up in heaven. The only question is, will you?
