Maybe they should consider bird baths...

The Houston-Browns really know how to make Black History Month a lil blacker.  Or at the very least, darker.  This celebrity family has got to be the looniest, most dysfunctional family under a full moon.

Initially, on January 31, when Bobbi Kristina was found by friend Max Lomas face down and unresponsive in the bath in her suburban Atlanta town home, most fans imagined the daughter of Bobby Brown and the late legendary singer Whitney Houston had sunk low over the imminent third anniversary of her mother’s untimely demise.  They may even have imagined the beloved daughter mimicking the beloved mother’s death by getting drunk or high and “accidentally” sinking too low in a tub.

Time passes, and not much.  Then Bobby Brown announces—to a world believing Bobbi Kristina and “brother” turned “sweetheart” turned “husband” are married—that they, in fact, are not.  The need to make such a statement publicly by mouth-of-lawyer so soon raised all sorts of raggedy, old, and time-worn red flags.  Red flags signaling, whether true or imagined, that the battle for green—like a first shot fired—was on and popping.

Remember . . . in that moment . . . when that black shadow passed through your soul  . . . at how it seemed Bobby Brown was treating Nick Gordon like Cissy treated him?  Remember how you sank into feeling sorry for Nick Gordon . . . because all he was guilty of was loving someone . . . and because now . . . he seemed to have no one?

That was then.  This is now.

Since CNN announced February 7th that a criminal foul play investigation was underway, the tide has changed.  Investigators are targeting now boyfriend Nick Gordon to determine not only how Bobbi Kris ended up face down in a tub full of water, but with injuries in need of ‘splaining,’ the nature of which have not been disclosed.

The “Thain even married” statement, as loaded as it was then, shifts the gun in a slightly different direction now.  A less suicidal direction.  Perhaps, declaring that Bobbi Kristina and Nick Gordon were not married and bumping “husband” down past “brother” to just plain old “boyfriend” status means Bobby Brown had suspicions of Nick Gordon’s involvement in his daughter’s near-fatal drowning from the beginning.

From not breathing to no heartbeat; to being placed in a medically induced coma, where the status of her brain function would not be known until sedatives were reduced; to, reportedly, opening her eyes in snatches on Monday but suffering seizures that same day, it’s been a rough week for Whitney Houston’s only child.  As Bobbi Kristina clings to life, father and family (including grandmother Cissy Houston, a known Bobby Brown hater) have surrounded the legendary singer’s daughter at Emory University Hospital.

But not without the usual fireworks: rumors of separate waiting rooms for the warring factions; flat-out lies of holding a PLANNED booze-filled birthday party for Bobby (which really was dinner after visitation hours that sadly morphed into an emotional Brown-family brawl, leading to 911 calls to the po-po for mothers spitting on sons and clocking sons over the head with bottles).  And in nearly related news, here’s the naked truth:  Dionne Warwick has slipped in the shower!

Lunar madness aside, are Bobby and Cissy making nice because reports are circulating that give weight to their mutual suspicions?

In a bombshell admission to police, according to TMZ, Maxwell Lomas has alleged that Nick Gordon was not just cleaning up the home—but erasing blood stains.  Blood stains?!!  Unexplained injuries?  And, as if that wasn’t enough to make you howl at the moon, Max Lomas is allegedly asking for immunity from police before he unzips his lips again.

Cissy Houston and Bobby Brown, once divided, may for once be gearing up to be allies in the battle to conquer Nick Gordon—because no respectable father or even a disrespectful granny would ever stand for anyone profiting from mistreatment of their baby girl.

“But if we know Cissy, the alliance will only last long enough for Nick Gordon to become a subscript in the footer of Bobbi Kristina’s life, and the war to grab the last copper pennies of Whitney Houston’s estate will promptly ensue.  Henceforth.  Post posthaste.”

Meanwhile, the three-year anniversary of Whitney Houston’s death looms.  On a day in February of 2012 cold enough in some parts of the country to turn fingers blue, hours before Whitney Houston was to attend a pre-Grammy Awards party, she was found dead in a bathtub at the famed Beverly Hilton, a hotel near Los Angeles.  While a coroner ruled her death an accidental drowning with heart disease and cocaine use as contributing factors, and although the family wades in denial, fans already kicked in the gut can feel that old chill creeping into their bones of fears coming to the light of day.  Foul play or not, substance abuse will likely be listed as a contributing factor in whatever steps led up to Bobbi Kristina’s “slip” in the tub.

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While we pray for a miracle for Bobbi Kristina and wish them all the best . . .
somehow we can’t help bracing for the worst, can we?