Shining brightest . . . and cut like a diamond! Beyonce, who?
But did they all have to come back . . . on the same night? I thought it would never, ever, ever end! Anyhoo, here’s the 55th Grammy Awards Rewind.
Taylor Swift, ringmaster, opened the 55th Grammy Awards with an Alice in Wonderland circus act. Elton John helped Ed Sheeran kill some time and a few angels in the snow. The Best Pop Solo Performance went to Adele for “Set Fire to the Rain (Live).” Neil Patrick Harris (who annoyingly has nothing to do with music, thanks CBS) announced a performance by Fun. But just before Fun came to the stage to perform a funky, folksy tune aptly called “Carry On,” in a corner of the television Chris Brown’s arm was affectionately going around Rihanna’s neck and was one of the most deliciously irresistible moments of the night to voyeur.
And that was just the first 15 minutes of the show.
So that's what happened to the power at the Super Bowl!
John Mayer’s electric blue velvet jacket sparked with the energy that went missing at this year’s Super Bowl. In a duet, Miranda Lambert told Dierks Bentley, “You went away, how dare you?” to which he replied, “Girl, I was at ‘Home’.” L.L. Cool J. had one too many American Bandstand moments (including the one at the end of the show). Miguel, with a little help from daddy-to-be Wiz Khalifa, sang “Adorn” to Kelly Clarkson’s drunken delight.
The Best Country Solo Grammy went to Carrie Underwood for “Blown Away” and L.L. tweeted a photo of country’s prettiest winner. Song of the Year, featuring Janelle Monáe (who knew?), was presented to Fun, which was no fun, by Faith Hill and Tim McGraw, for “We Are Young,” which is getting so ooold. For some strange reason, Fun thanked Jay-Z and a few strange others; Jay-Z, weirded out but polite and from the front row while balancing cognac on his knee, simply replied, “You’re welcome.”
Did Mumford & Sons provide the musical score for a Johnny Depp movie or just loan him clothes? Well, after they picked a banjo and fondled every instrument absent from the county fair, there was a cool audience shot of Jay-Z, Bey, and soul-sistah Solange, dressed in green and wearing a big halo of black Afro. But peeking from behind that ‘fro was none other than Sting and his lovely wife Trudie Styler. That ended the first hour.
New moon rising!
Ellen DeGenerate (yuck), while ogling Beyonce (in a Kim Kardashian hand-me-down), introduced Justin Timberlake back to the Grammy stage all dressed up in black & white to sing “Suit & Tie.”
Jay-T and Jay-Z in suit & ties!
Then Jay-Z, sans cognac, skipped to the stage to join JT and his band, the Tennessee Kids, with an accompanying rap. The color came back and then JT sang “Pusher Love Girl” or somethin’ nasty sounding like that.
Kelly Rowland in an edgy black dress with strategically placed cutouts was best dressed for the Grammys. She and Nas presented the first ever Grammy for Best Urban Contemporary Album. Miguel? Chris Brown? Nope. Frank Ocean, yes, for “Channel Orange.”
Then the self-righteous Dave Grohl and another “Broke Chick” bored us with producer and engineer stuff. Congrats, Dan Auerbach, for Producer of the Year. Best Rock Performance went to the Black Keys for “Lonely Boy.” They thanked everybody in Tennessee and even everybody in Cleveland’s country backyard—Akron, Ohio!
Maroon 5 and Alicia Puh-leez (sit down somewhere) sang each other’s songs as if it wasn’t ear-splitting enough to hear them straining to sing them themselves.
Keith Urban suffered a conversation with Kaley Cuoco, some sitcom chick (who has nothing to do with music; thanks again CBS for the narcissism and promoting ALL of your shows during the Grammys). Keith and what’s-her-name presented the Grammy for Best Pop Vocal Album to Kelly Clarkson for “Stronger” instead of Maroon 5 (Damn!).
Thanks Rihanna for singing “Stay” with your songwriter and nearly making us cry. Fast or slow, why do all your songs make us feel like crying? You might be anointed and not even know it.
Carly Rae Jepson and Neyo presented Best Rap/Sung Collabo to Jay-Z, Kanye, Frank Ocean, and The Dream for “No Church in the Wild.” Jay-Z: “We’d like to thank the swap meet,” regarding the Dream’s nightmare ensemble, “for his hat!” After that another CBS “Broke Girl” introduced a performance by the Black Keys.
L.L. Cool J. introduced Kelly Clarkson who performed a tribute to Patti Page, singing “The Tennessee Waltz,” followed by “You make me feel like a natural woman,” in honor of some lady other than Aretha Franklin whose soul did not run as deep. That ended the second hour.
After Kelly Clarkson presented Best Country Album to the Zac Brown Band for “Uncaged,” it would have dragged on from there had it not been for a tribute to reggae legend Bob Marley. Bruno Mars and his band were joined on stage by Sting and then Rihanna and Ziggy and . . . it was a rousing performance. One of the most exciting high-lights of the evening! The show could have ended there, but of course (like this epic post), it did not.
It's a win-win situation!
Then came “Ho Hey,” the song with Tourette’s Syndrome, by the Lumineers and Jack White in a black Elvis-inspired pantsuit, sparkling in a white and peacock-blue-eyelet design.
Then not to be outdone, ever beautiful Katy Perry, in a Priscilla Presley-inspired mint green gown with a window of boobs, presented the Grammy for Best New Artist to Fun (again . . . NO FUN) for “We Are Young,” which is, again, getting really old. Lil Man Hunter Hayes sang a lil ditty on a piano with grafitti.
Carrie Underwood blew every one away with a freaky light show that set off fireworks on her dress. It’s a very country “move.” When you can’t dance or move around when singing, pull out the film projector.
What a thrill to know that Prince loves YOUR song!
Then Prince, in a sexy hoodie, swinging a silver cane (or Taylor Swift’s circus baton) honored us with a rare appearance to present Record of the Year to Gotye and Kimbra for the throwback-sounding song, “Somebody That I Used to Know.”
“Oh, I love that song.” –Prince
Chick Correa, Stanley Clark, and Kenny Garrett performing “Take 5” in a tribute to Dave Brubeck were followed by a grab bag of performers such as Elton John, Zac Brown, T Bone Burnett, Mavis Staples, Mumford & Sons, and Brittany Howard of Alabama Shakes. Who knew it took so many to sing “Take a Load Off, Annie” so badly.
Then Frank Ocean, in his first musical appearance on the Grammys, sang a weird Ode to Forrest Gump and then, thankfully, whistled on down the road. Chris Brown and Rihanna must have been cracking up!
Happy Valentine's Day, you gorgeous lovebirds!
Now that should have been the end of the show there. But, oh no, tired or not, the show went on and on. Adele presented Album of the Year to Mumford & Sons for “Babel.” Then rap senior citizens L.L Cool J. and Chuck D from Public Enemy closed the show.
Finally . . . closed the show!
