When baked goods are allowed to bask naked in the freedom of open air, the least of its problems is a (likely spearminted) lick from a baby-faced pop princess.

Sometime it’s easy to hate America.

So quick is it to take to Social Media and fire up the pan to caramelize our Little Sweetie, Ariana Grande, most Americans, hypocrites that they are, never would have noticed or even complained that the baked goods were open air baked goods.

It is a violation of local food safety codes to leave baked goods exposed to the public. Open air baked goods, America! What about the dry stuff floating around in the air? Dust, lint, hair (yours and Fluffy’s on your shirt), and the errant dandruff and nose flakes. Also on your shirt. Don’t even get me started about the moist stuff sticking to those buns like glue. Warm breath? The inadvertent human yawn shower?

And you’ve gotta be sprinkled with nuts if you haven’t considered the inevitability of a fleet of flies lighting on those delicious delights each time the bell jingles and the door swings wiiiide open. Betcha didn’t think of that, did ya?

What Ariana Grande says is true. Americans often demonstrate a lack of common sense when it comes to pastries and desserts. Instead of licking the donut, they devour both donut and hole by the Krispy Kreme box full.

Eat at your own risk.

But what you said about Ariana Grande’s apology is also true. Ariana Grande was not remotely remorseful for the now infamous flick of her mini appendage. You know why? Because an explanation for the innocent act of donut licking is never ever necessary. If muffin tops, sweet rolls, jelly bellies, and custard thighs are any indication, America already knows first hand-to-mouth how irresistible donuts are to tongues.

So those of you trying to take cane to sugar and spoil that which is sweet by calling it tart must have hard candy for a heart. Those of us with marshmallow and nougat for hearts found the licking hilarious! The cutest, sweetest thing ever! The silly bounce and giggle? Well, that was maple icing on the motherfrosted cake!

Besides, when under the influence of a new Sugar Daddy, one with a flow as smooth as a backup dancer like Ricky Alvarez, a Sugar Baby with a sweet tooth and no wisdom teeth is liable to lick a whole lotta thangs she shouldn’t.

To wit, the same dog-kissing hypocrites complaining about the poor sucker who took home the donut laced with extra sugar would have paid $500 on ebay for the same extra tasty treat.

But enough about what nearly melted in Ariana Grande’s mouth. What about what oozed out of it? That frothy “What the f***? I hate America. I hate Americans” drivel? No one should hold any recent graduate of Nickelodeon accountable for every idle word that dribbles from a mouth still foaming with Pop Rocks just because it’s famous and now known for serenading us with song.

Please, America, lay off the donuts and lighten up! Like any annoying pie hole, Donut-Gate needs to hurry up and snap close.

Do you think Ariana Grande’s tongue is a hero or villain for bringing awareness to nude and exposed donuts?