The one quality a big flamin’ Queen and a starvin’ Foodie will never possess is . . .

Restraint!

After last week’s premiere of How to Get Away with Murder and Empire, you probably needed a long hot bath.  But you probably exchanged the tap water and lavender salts for holy water and smelling salts.

When will the Queens and Foodies learn that less is more.  Imagine the scene calling for a simple chain link fence.  Only a Queen like Lee Daniels would decorate the fence with tinsel and lights from Christmas and three club kids laced in strings of popcorn and gold chains left over from the A-Team set, you know, just because he could.

Cookie’s dress was not only a hot mess but very likely road kill (reportedly found near the House of Gucci).  Expect PETA to splash the (fake) blood of pigs on Lee Daniels door at any moment.  See specimen below:

"Yes, I look good in evrythang--even road kill. But 'specially if it's Gooooo-cheeee!!"

After learning that Boo Boo Kitty twerks but Boo Boo Kitty can’t even dyke right, what else could I do but scrub down with lemon juice?  Emergency diazepam was ingested to get the ringing of Chris Rock’s screams (as Frank Gathers) out of my ears, which was quickly chased by a double dose of Visine to get either the red (or the Famke Janssen puh-puh-p0rn) out of my eyes.  Alas,  I turned to the Mary or the Pope—since he was so near—or to whomever it is that Catholics pray to for forgiveness.  But not until I muttered to them a few Hail Marys for the dead head in a box was there enlightenment.

Shonda, Shonda, Shonda Rhimes, audiences don’t need all of that Shock & Awe every frame of a show.  Ask Lee Daniels; it just becomes Bananas and Apes!  I don’t know what was more embarrassing or frightening, Cookie Lyon taking from her head the head of a monkey suit or Annalise Keating taking from her head a much-needed wig!!

A few strategically placed emotional explosions worked last season for both Murder and Empire.  Remember Boo Boo Kitty’s face at the door of her betrayal?  Three bruvvas in an elevator?  Any scene with Annalise and her puppies, Wes Gibbins and Bonnie Winterbottom?

Soul-stirring scenes are far more effective at adding depth and making audiences care than wildly Waving the Skittles wand and turning the whole world into horny fairies.  Geesh.  Could the homo-sex be any more in your face than a bald cross-dresser with huge red lip-sticked lips (Miss Lawrence Washington) gyrating on an office desk in stilettos singing the gay pride national anthem of the 70s?  FYI:  Office romances are usually spicy because they are discreet, with a little squeeze or kisses stolen behind doors closing for brief moments then opening for the co-workers who actually work at work.

What’s truly going to murder Empire is the useless/needless/distracting parade of celebrity cameos.  Sure, musicians collaborate.  But unless you’re Chris Breezy or Lil Weezy, most musicians don’t have the fire to show up on every single with every single body who stands before a faux-gold mike.

Who’s next?  Shaq’s big ass rappin’?  Sean Connery as Boo Boo Kitty’s great grandfather?  Miss Piggy and Kermit for lunch?  AS LUNCH?!  Pig feet and frog legs anyone? —Blackbiter.com

And speaking of music, hopefully, the quality will remain high, which is done by regularly marrying the lyrics/tempo to the story line.  Any persistent and consistent unnecessary distraction from a twisty story line will cause it to lose its spring quicker than a thrice-worn mattress, which crushes both longevity and love for the show.

If How to Get Away with Murder and Empire keep this reckless, revolving door, gay romance up with these fading stars desperate for a glimpse—at any cost—of the inside of renewed fame, Murder/Empire will no longer be guilty pleasures.  All any soul with a sense of decency will be left with is guilt . . . for ever bucking eyes at the next OMG!?!