Poor what’s his name …
Awww, it’s so sad when love comes to a screeching public end, especially between a mistress and her buck-tooth buck. Mistress wanted us to believe it was all about healthy work relationships and friendships nurtured and watered outside the workplace. Oh, and respect. Nahh, don’t believe Mistress’s white lies. It was about love, the true kind. And because there were countless public displays of affection (both live and televised), it would be a shame for all that love to be lost … and not balked about.
Poor what’s-his-name …
If you haven’t guessed by now, the weird and one-sided worship-fest we’re exploring is the one that still exists in only one wounded heart, that of Mistress Kelly Ripa. Sometimes, a buck, a.k.a. Michael Strahan, has to sit next to a woman in a boy’s body, a.k.a. Kelly Ripa, and look into its eyes while speaking to it on camera. Isn’t it sad, though, when mistresses mistake the common courtesy of performing plain old work duties for something more … for something like love?
Poor what’s-his-name …
Kelly Ripa made me forget she was an actual married woman. Oh, no, I’m not home chillaxin’ in front of a TV every morning like a retiree. So when I proclaim that every promo of the show featured her jumping into the arms of Michael Strahan like a too happy puppy, it obviously means that the kissing of Michael Strahan (not just on the face but on the lips), the riding of Michael Strahan’s back like a circus act, and/or the straddling of Michael Strahan like a bull at the rodeo has to be occurring on the regular for someone who cannot watch the silly show to catch all this extramarital action.
Poor what’s-his-name …
I found Mrs. Ripa’s repeated public displays of affection toward Michael Strahan disrespectful to the tiny brown forgotten house-husband at home. Old what’s-his-name. No, really, what is his name?
Poor what’s-his-name …
For some mistresses, Little Brown just isn’t good enough. They’ve got to go Big & Tall, and blacker. It’s cool. Sistahs understand. No man on earth looks or smells better than a black man, especially when he has a pro athlete’s physique and earns a regularly occurring (white man’s) pay check.
I just wish before Mistress Kelly Ripa went all “Somebody done stole my buck!!!” that she actually meant a dollar! I just wish that before she went all “Oh, mercy me, where, pray tell, are my smelling salts?!! Somebody done stole my buck without a-tellin’ me,” she could have taken a deep breath, fanned herself, and exhaled.
Poor what’s-his-name …
Then she could have rested a calm hand on that flat chest all the way back to work, whispering, giggling, and/or marveling privately how all that free and freaky foreplay was fun while it lasted and, at a dime a dozen, how easy it would be to find another buck! Next time with good teeth.
Instead, Mistress Kelly Ripa, keeping it All the Way Live With Kelly & Michael, ripped a page from the “What to do in 1782 when your slave exits stage left without the freedom paper” courtesy of “The Slave Trade Tattler” of Hurtsboro, Alabama.
Poor what’s-his-name …
Kelly Ripa made it seem as though Michael Strahan owed her something more than what any other white public figure bound to a television contract owes a co-public figure. Because Kelly Ripa was sweet as tea on Michael Strahan, in addition to doing “the worm” on command (with or without shirt or pants), was he supposed to disobey the big boss up in the big house signing his check because Mistress couldn’t stop fondlin’ or crushin’ on him?
We have learned over the years that all is fair in love and television. If Starr Jones and Joy Behar and Rosie O’Donnell had to learn it over and over again before her, why couldn’t Mistress take a lesson from Barbara Walters, who has been dumped a dozen times … on and off set … by learning it once?
White people, our occasional need to separate from you is not personal. It’s progress. It’s what you always wanted.
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Was Kelly Ripa’s continual groping of Michael Strahan a slap in the face of hubby Mark Consuelos or what?
