Really, Taj, a sequin knee compression sleeve!

SWV (Sisters With Voices) opened 2017’s Soul Train Music Awards show with a medley of their greatest hits from the 90s, with an assist from the Wu Tang Clan.  These sistahs still have their voices but their sequin granny skirts, black and white glitter socks in combat boots, topped with a sequin baseball shirt made them look like Matronly Melody-Makers.  Taj’s moisture control, copper-infused, medical grade compression sleeve for arthritis pain relief in the knee in black sequin, no doubt, is all the rage in nursing homes this season.

Tribute to Colin Kaepernick…because in the world of American pop culture and hypocrisy, standing up for what you believe, although supposedly the American way, will get you sidelined.

Erykah Badu, Godmother of Soul, and the LeBron James of hosting The Soul Train Music Awards, was side-splitting-funny-as-hell as usual.  Speaking of knees, she took one for Colin Kaepernick, who “gave up his dream for believing in us.”

Because there was a tie and an extra Soul Train Music Award train around and no one to give it to, the first ever Soul Train Certified Award went to Ledisi (pretending to be surprised) and Bell, Biv, Devoe, who thanked their fans for still “rocking the poison” (or rocking in their chairs to the poison) after all these years.  They also gave a big shout out to Soul Train founder Don Cornelius, and then went on an took “that train back to Boston ‘cause thain won nothin’ as BBD in a loooong time.”

The Soul Train Awards Video of the Year went to 24K Magic Bruno Mars.  Although Mr. Goldfinger was in a gold-tone minivan a thousand miles away, Mars caramelized “All Night” and “Cranes in the Sky” by the Knowles sisters; RiRi’s “Loyalty”; and Chris Breezy’s “Party” with a single Midas touch.

A song so good, it might have you seizing up on us….

“Rather-ing to go blind than see you with her tonight,” by how much Tamar Braxton was Diana-Ross-bucking her eyes, what were the chances?  Perched from a black, blue, and gray storm cloud of a skirt, she could stare into the next dimension and the great beyond.com.  Girl, stop!  We thought you were having a seizure!

The Soul Cypher, featuring Mali Music, Fantasia, Faith Evans, and Bilal, with Badu mixing on the turntables, was one of the most moving segments of the show.  To a sample of Ice Cube’s “Today Was a Good Day” over an Isley Brothers track, the four soulful singers, fusing lyrics from their own songs with wisdom for today to that old school vibe, was magic.

Soooooooul Good!

DVSN’s voice was so sweet and so high pitched, seniors were divided from their sleep in their seats by the sheer number of dogs running and howling behind the Soul Train.

The performance of “Dangerous Games,” “Peaches & Cream,” “It’s Over Now,” and “Cupid” by 112, overproduced by Brother Love back when he was just Puffy, was, no deception, no lies, EVERYTHANG!!

Still got it…after all these years!

Bell, Biv, Devoe presented Coco, LeLe, and Taj of SWV with the Soul Train “Lady of Soul Award.”  After a video tribute, LeLe exclaimed:  “Oh, my God, we ain’t never won nothin’ . . . God’s delay is not denial!!”  Let the Soul Train say, “Amen!”

Ladies then “squozed their legs together real tight” for a performance by lusty crooner Tank, who, taking off his shirt (again?), maybe got a little too comfortable.  (His sexy dancers, gyratin’ in them black leather booty shorts, had sisters everywhere re-committing to their exercise routines this morning!!)

Supporting Babutu for fifty cents a day…for the last 25 years. Aaaw!

Irma Irving (a.k.a. Erykah Badu) did not earn a “reward” for being a voice “coych” to the stars on The Soul Train Awards.  However, learning that she had been supporting Babutu (a comic from Africa) for fifty cents a day for the past 25 years was its own reward.

Keyshia Cole, dragging “someone she knew before the pain (her husband), who was incapable of loving her back (her husband), incapable of loving her like that (her husband),” dusted off some old school Soul Train dance moves.  Conjuring up dead romances and the dead, in silver sequin pants, she tipped a hat toward Michael Jackson.  However, the sexy but sloth-slow choreography was all Aaliyah.

A little Michael Jackson in dress…a little Aaliyah in dance.

Demetria McKinney in a sparkling, midnight blue, peek-a-boo jumpsuit showed us she’s not just a mediocre “Meet the Browns” actress.  Her singing sizzles as well.

Best New Artiste went to somebody named Scissors or Sza or Szomething.

Next on the mic, mini-mite MC Kirk Franklin, lasso-ing random R&B singers and a 3-thousand count choir, urged us to “Wake Up Everybody” to make a change through the storm and rain ‘cause it’s your season and God is wif you.  So, gone lace your Nikes up now so you can run wit dat wisdom in the new year.

In celebration of Toni Braxton being honored with the Soul Train Legend Award, there were performances by Ro James, Jessie J, and Luke James.  Singer Ro James is yiddle and yellow; if you let yourself see deep through his black lace blouse (like I did), you could hear Mr. Purple & Paisley with a symphony singing “Seven Whole Days” up from his soul.  Nice.   Jessie J, like a curve-less bottle of Coke, was the real thang singing “You Mean the World to Me” with that hood pony.  But saving the best and most beautiful for last, Luke James of Lee Daniels’ “Star” saga, going all Ella Fitzgerald on us, shattered our hearts into about a million pieces after ending a rendition of “Unbreak My Heart” on the craziest of high notes.

She leaves men breathless….

The “invading your dreams fine” Toni Braxton, plopping the cherry on top, also graced the audience with a rare (too breathless?) performance.  Thanks, Lupus.  We hate you and your father, Lucifer.

Then, after Erykah Badu, in a big-red-Alice-in-Wonderland hat, the size of Texarkana, led a Soul Train line down the aisle, the show dissolved into delicious giggles and faded to black.

That’s just the Mad Hatter in her….

BET producers and editors televised a show that was snap-crackle-pop tight.  Scheduling more entertainment than speeches added up to no black-hole dull moments.  Because I hold BET to a higher standard than they sometimes hold themselves, with a brown sugar tingle coursing through my body and a sprinkle of  Black pride on my lips, I must (from my Blackbiting heart) admit that no one puts on an awards show as soul satisfying as they do.  Aaaaw!

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What did you like best about the show?