Archives for : Music Bites

It’s Over . . . For Now

Posted by : Holliday Vann On : January 24, 2012
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Category: Celebrity Bites, Music Bites

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Heidi Klum and Seal announce their separation.

Heidi and Seal won't be renewing their vows this year.

Like a shadow without sunlight, velvety smooth singer Seal and his lovely Supermodel wife want us to believe that it’s all over.  They’re separating.  They want us to believe that the couple that renews its marriage vows each and every year is truly neurotic and unsure of its love, and that kind of love could never last . . . 

The timing could not be more perfect.  Soon, Seal will be going on tour to sell his new CD—and the fantasy of being with him—to lonely women all over the world.

I’m still not sure if Usher is really divorced.  Don’t you wish that people would grow up emotionally and love their favorite artist whether he has a hot wife or not?

It’s a Girl!

Posted by : Holliday Vann On : January 9, 2012
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Category: Music Bites

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Blue Ivy is born!Music and news-making superstars Beyonce and Jay-Z welcomed baby girl Blue Ivy into the world this past Saturday. 

You might have thought that the bitter blacklash surrounding the child’s odd name, security measures taken at the hospital, and exclusive arrangements made for her birth were enough to make the couple blue.  Not so. 

Jay-Z posted a tribute to his baby girl on the World Wide Web expressing his utter joy in a “song” called “Glory.”

The song, which included an unexpected revelation of a miscarriage, ends with the lament of a child, believed to be baby Blue’s precious first cries. 

Congratulations to proud parents, Beyonce and Jay-Z!

Lil Wayne Judges Stripper Fight

Posted by : Holliday Vann On : January 7, 2012
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Category: Music Bites

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Lil Wayne paid strippers to do more than strip at King of Diamonds in Miami last Monday.

Who knew that stripping could ever get boring?

When it does, King of Diamonds packs the house for a special fight night.

On Monday’s night of fright, the lucky lady in the purple trunks took home a quick stack of bills in its own plastic wrapper totaling reportedly $1,000.  Courtesy of yours truly, Lil Wayne.

No one knows the exact amount for sure . . . since . . . they’re . . . all . . . one . . . dollar . . . bills!  (Thanks a lot, Weezy.)

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Nick Cannon Will Live

Posted by : Holliday Vann On : January 4, 2012
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Category: Music Bites

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Nick Cannon in an Aspen, Colorado hospitalNick Cannon, Nickelodeon Executive and host of America’s Got Talent, was admitted to a hospital in Aspen, Colorado while vacationing with his wife Mariah Carey and DemBabies.  Mariah tweeted earlier today that her hubby had symptoms of “mild kidney failure.”  But that didn’t keep the voluptuous one from crawling into bed with him and risking full paralysis of his right side.

In all likelihood, the health scare may have just been a distress signal sent out to rescue a black man and DemBabies from the side of a mountain.  Black people don’t ski, Mariah.  (That means you too.)

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Lil Wayne’s New Love

Posted by : Holliday Vann On : December 26, 2011
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Category: Music Bites

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Weezy and new girlfriend Dhea

Has Lil Wayne finally learned how to love?

You see you had a lot of crooks try to steal your heart.  Never really had luck, couldn’t ever figure out how to love, how to love.  Lil Wayne may have had a lot of moments that didn’t last forever.  Toya.  Nivea. Lauren London.  But look at what the lil guy in this corner tryna put together!  To borrow another phrase from Lil Wayne’s “How to Love” song, this one’s “far from the usual, far from the usual.”

Weezy, arguably dressed yet again in his daughter’s play clothes, escorted his latest potential Baby Mama, girlfriend Dhea, to watch the Bulls beat the Lakers (88-87) over the weekend.

While Weezy may not have finally learned how to love, hopefully he’s finally found a brand of condoms that are just his size.  Have you ever met a plain jane that wasn’t a breeder?

Finally, Nicki’s a Barbie!

Posted by : Holliday Vann On : December 7, 2011
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Category: Music Bites

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Hip Hop artist Nicki Minaj is finally a Barbie Doll!

My Queen-dom for a Glass of Water

Posted by : Holliday Vann On : December 1, 2011
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Category: Music Bites

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Queen of Hip-Hop

"What? The Queen of Hip-Hop can't get a glass of water?!"

Last night, Mary J. Blige got a tickle in her throat on the Home Shopping Network.  After bending over and singing her heart out with reckless abandon, the vocalist sat down to sell her latest fragrance, Blossom, in the My Life Collection.  Ahem.  What no one seemed prepared for, ahem, was the amount of unproductive throat clearing that, ahem, followed.  One ahem after another. 

Having stumbled upon the mini-concert, it was not clear whether the segment had commercials.  But, without a Ricola in sight, no producer cut to one. 

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The 2011 Soul Train Awards

Posted by : Holliday Vann On : November 28, 2011
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Category: Music Bites

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Tamar Braxton has a skin disorder called, "I hate being black.com."

"After I take this picture, can you help me find my pigment.com?"

The 2011 Soul Train Awards aired last night on Centric or BET (one, no, both of them?).  Here’s the rundown of memorable moments:

Time, with Morris Day, was dug up, dusted off, and resurrected for the opening. 

The grab bag of tributes included sentimental serenades to the late Hip-Hop artist Heavy diddly-diddly D and R&B legend Gladys Knight (and maybe “Her Pips”).  Similarly honored were the most sexually-ambiguous looking married men on earth: Earth, Wind & Fire.

And Wolf Blitzer didn’t come to Dougie.  He came to beat box.  Literally!

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More X Factor Phoniness

Posted by : Holliday Vann On : November 23, 2011
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Category: Music Bites

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Josh Krajcik has his eye on the prize...

Would somebody crown this guy for the win already so we can get this season in the can?

Last night’s episode of X Factor nearly put me on Prozac.  The Thanksgiving Edition (that’s what we’ll call it) turned into something much worse.  There were dark stories of adoption and bitter tales of love gone wrong and children born out of wedlock.  There were odes to red carnation mothers and white carnation mothers—dead mothers and alive mothers—a Virgin Islands mother.  There were teenage protestations of self-worth, wack apologies and, oh, so many trembling lips.  And that was just the cast members.

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I Feel Bad About Your Neck

Posted by : Holliday Vann On : November 19, 2011
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Category: Celebrity Bites, Churchy Bites, Music Bites

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The Fallen CrossI believe that it was the fabulously funny Nora Ephron who said, “I feel bad about my neck.”  It was an aging thing.  I’m confident that the sales from her book have her and her neck feeling much better.  I, on the contrary, am not doing so well.  I’m starting to feel bad about other people’s necks.  Their backs.  Even their feet.

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